How many times have you heard, "Look, just say sorry, ok?" or "Did you say sorry?" as if, the magical word will instantly make the problem (or lack there of) go away. Take the blog for example, the mother took her child from the park (who was having a good time may I add) because the child who accidentally bumped into him didn't say "sorry". Keep in mind, both children were involved in the activity, yet, the mother deemed the other child rude, and not worthy to play with anymore because he didn't say "sorry". What has become of our society? Has political correctness effected our reasoning so much that at any hint of hurting someone's feelings we must be compelled to say "sorry"? Society has taught us to place our emotional value and give power to that one word and the one that "owes us an apology". That's a problem.
And this isn't just a "worldly" problem. Christians are good at guilting other Christians into apologizing. They back up their claim to apologize with various scriptures, but they fail to remember one thing that the Father has taught us: An apology means nothing without repentance. And in order to repent, there must be a true sin.
So, while the blog that I read may not be "Christian based" in nature, it caused me to think more on apologies and in what context do we do them, why we do them, and how - in a biblical way. First, I want to look at the differences between sin, sinned, and offense. This will lead us into sorrow, then repentance and finally what a proper apology looks like - in context of the Word of God.
I believe Psalm 51 is a good starting point. Often times when one wants an apology, or one does apologize, the focus is on an individual or a group of people and their feelings. But Psalm 51 shows us the proper focus.
Psalm 51:4New Living Translation (NLT)
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just.
In Psalm 51 we see the author recognizing that out of all he has done and the people he did them to, it was Yahweh-God (Yah) alone that he actually sinned against. He says "against you, and you alone...". The first thing we aught to recognize is our being "sorry" or sorrow has nothing to do with people, but everything to do with Yah. He is the one that gave life and rules to it. When we break those rules it is Him that we sin against, and Him that will judge us eternally. Therefore, it is Him that we must seek forgiveness from and repent.
Second, the author recognizes he sinned. Let's look at some working definitions of "sin" and "sinned" to help us put some things into perspective.
Sin is the Hebrew word chatta'ath. This means:
sin, sinful
sin, sin offering
sin
condition of sin, guilt of sin
punishment for sin
sin-offering
purification from sins of ceremonial uncleanness
This "sin" is a condition. It is a temptation. It is giving in to do what is evil in Yah's sight. The first time we see this word is when Yahweh is talking with Cain. In His conversation with Cain, He first warns him to get his emotions in check and then do what is right. If not, this condition (sin) would be waiting for him. Here is something interesting of note: Yahweh had a conversation with Cain because Cain was angry with his brother, Abel. But, what Yahweh did not do was seek out Abel to make him apologize for making Cain angry, hurting his pride, and making him upset. Why? Because, Abel did not sin against Cain - or Yahweh. He had nothing to apologize for, even though his brother was angry with him. Now, if that happened today, we would be accusing Abel for causing the problem because "all he had to do was apologize".
When we take on this mindset ("just apologize and move on") what we really are doing is allowing the person being emotional to offload their responsibility of their feelings on to the one "needing to apologize". When this happens, the emotional person:
1. Doesn't take control of their own emotions
2. Invests too much time and energy seeking validation from a person rather than Yahweh and
3. Doesn't take responsibility when their emotions lead them to sin.
No, the emotional person should do just what Yahweh told Cain to do - get control of your emotions before sin awaits for you at the slightest moment to pounce on you. And, you do what is right.
Now, sin and sinned have two different meanings, so, let's go there and get a working definition of "sinned". This word is chata' khä·tä', which means:
This "sin" is a condition. It is a temptation. It is giving in to do what is evil in Yah's sight. The first time we see this word is when Yahweh is talking with Cain. In His conversation with Cain, He first warns him to get his emotions in check and then do what is right. If not, this condition (sin) would be waiting for him. Here is something interesting of note: Yahweh had a conversation with Cain because Cain was angry with his brother, Abel. But, what Yahweh did not do was seek out Abel to make him apologize for making Cain angry, hurting his pride, and making him upset. Why? Because, Abel did not sin against Cain - or Yahweh. He had nothing to apologize for, even though his brother was angry with him. Now, if that happened today, we would be accusing Abel for causing the problem because "all he had to do was apologize".
When we take on this mindset ("just apologize and move on") what we really are doing is allowing the person being emotional to offload their responsibility of their feelings on to the one "needing to apologize". When this happens, the emotional person:
1. Doesn't take control of their own emotions
2. Invests too much time and energy seeking validation from a person rather than Yahweh and
3. Doesn't take responsibility when their emotions lead them to sin.
No, the emotional person should do just what Yahweh told Cain to do - get control of your emotions before sin awaits for you at the slightest moment to pounce on you. And, you do what is right.
Now, sin and sinned have two different meanings, so, let's go there and get a working definition of "sinned". This word is chata' khä·tä', which means:
to sin, miss, miss the way, go wrong, incur guilt, forfeit, purify from uncleanness
(Qal)
to miss
to sin, miss the goal or path of right and duty
to incur guilt, incur penalty by sin, forfeit
(Piel)
to bear loss
to make a sin-offering
to purify from sin
to purify from uncleanness
(Hiphil)
to miss the mark
to induce to sin, cause to sin
to bring into guilt or condemnation or punishment
(Hithpael)
to miss oneself, lose oneself, wander from the way
to purify oneself from uncleanness
Again, the author recognizes in Psalm 51, that he missed the mark, was bringing guilt and condemnation on himself - "your judgment against me is just" - and had wandered from the "way". He sinned against Yahweh-God and was earnestly looking for forgiveness, and speaking of repenting. He realized, there was an infraction on Yah's laws that He had done against Him, even through other people (v.14 - "forgive me for shedding blood").
One thing that many people do is confuse "sinned" with "offend". Many think that when you "offend" someone, you must apologize. This frame of thinking has lead many Christians to take the verse Matthew 18:15 out of context by replacing "sin/trespass" with "offend". But let's think about how much sense the line of thinking you must apologize for an "offense" (as the term is commonly used) makes.
In today's terms, we "offend" someone every day. Say "negro" instead of "African-American" someone is "offended". Marry someone out of your ethnicity, someone is "offended". Hurt someone's feelings, someone is "offended". Tie your shoes wrong, someone is "offended". Eat pork, someone is "offended". Don't invite someone to your wedding, someone is "offended". Say something that is true, someone is "offended". Say Jahova instead of Yahweh, or Yahweh instead of God, or God instead of G-d, or say God at all, and someone is "offended". Shall we apologize every single time? Here is a better question, why do we place so much of our emotional value in someone else's apology? On top of all of this, there is a truth that needs to be revealed. There is a major difference between sin and offense and often times, "offense" is used out of context.
Again, the author recognizes in Psalm 51, that he missed the mark, was bringing guilt and condemnation on himself - "your judgment against me is just" - and had wandered from the "way". He sinned against Yahweh-God and was earnestly looking for forgiveness, and speaking of repenting. He realized, there was an infraction on Yah's laws that He had done against Him, even through other people (v.14 - "forgive me for shedding blood").
One thing that many people do is confuse "sinned" with "offend". Many think that when you "offend" someone, you must apologize. This frame of thinking has lead many Christians to take the verse Matthew 18:15 out of context by replacing "sin/trespass" with "offend". But let's think about how much sense the line of thinking you must apologize for an "offense" (as the term is commonly used) makes.
In today's terms, we "offend" someone every day. Say "negro" instead of "African-American" someone is "offended". Marry someone out of your ethnicity, someone is "offended". Hurt someone's feelings, someone is "offended". Tie your shoes wrong, someone is "offended". Eat pork, someone is "offended". Don't invite someone to your wedding, someone is "offended". Say something that is true, someone is "offended". Say Jahova instead of Yahweh, or Yahweh instead of God, or God instead of G-d, or say God at all, and someone is "offended". Shall we apologize every single time? Here is a better question, why do we place so much of our emotional value in someone else's apology? On top of all of this, there is a truth that needs to be revealed. There is a major difference between sin and offense and often times, "offense" is used out of context.
Now, let's look at "offense". This word is skandalizō, which means:
As by definition, often times, one who comes to say the other has "offended" them, really aren't offended. It is more than likely their feelings and pride are hurt. One should notice, several of the instances of "offend" in the New Testament speaks of making one to stumble or fall away (from the faith), not to hurt someone's pride/feelings or to make them upset.
One more quick thing I'd like to point out. I'm sure many reading will say "well, what about Matthew 5:23-24?" The answer to that is, you must go deeper than what you are reading in your translation. In the King James bible, the translation says "and there rememberest that thy brother has ought against thee...", in the New Living Translation (which I linked to) it says "and suddenly remembers someone has something against you...". The NLT seems a little softer in its approach. The KJV's word and intention behind the word "ought" means a justifiable wrong doing.
Remember, at the time of Jesus speaking of this, they were still under the Law of Moses. There were over 600 some-odd laws that could be pointed to as an infraction against Yahweh and could be proven to be justifiable. They had to keep ALL of them. Most of them were things for which you could be taken to "court". This is why in the next few verses, Jesus warns them to quickly settle the matter so that you won't be taken to court. No one goes to court over hurt feelings or things that can't be proven "justifiable".
You also see the person was admonished to leave his "gift" there at the alter. This person was bringing a gift of sacrifice. His going to the person who had ought against him, a "justifiable wrong doing", was something that needed to be taken care of so that a sacrifice could be made. Again, this alluding to this situation having to do with the Law of Moses. And while this point that Christ made in His time is beyond valid, we also have to remember, as New Testament believers, we are no longer to be guided by the Law, but by the Spirit of God (for those who have been redeemed through the sacrifice of Christ). And while the two won't contradict each other, they both have their "place" in a believer's life. The example given by Christ is to show a believer the value of going to your brother seeking reconciliation of a "justifiable wrong doing". But, if we are to right a wrong, it is not so that we can hurry up so we can complete our sacrifice, it is because the Spirit has shown us it is the right thing to do because we have somehow sinned against the Father and need to be forgiven.
Ok, so, let's finish up Psalm 51:4. Last, the author says: "I have done what is evil in your sight". He has come to recognize that it doesn't matter what others think about what sin or offense is, it is what is evil in the sight of God. And because the ultimate goal is to please Him, that is what he is coming to Him about.
The beautiful thing about this passage is that he recognizes how his actions have angered the Father. When we recognize how much our sin angers the Father in heaven, we become sorrowful. We hurt. We are crushed. We are even angered at ourselves for doing what we did to the only One who can give us life and take it away in an instant. These emotions are what He wants from us as described further down in the passage:
Repentance is the word metanoia. It means:
It is with Him that we want to make everything right which then causes us to have a "change of mind". But before we can even have a change of mind, we have to be humble enough to realize we must change. It is pride that keeps us from seeing the need to turn away from sin. Our pride will make us say that we are smarter than God and can get away with our sin. It is our humility that makes us say "God sees and knows everything - and He is everywhere."
Let's consider this verse:
Notice, repentance brings healing and forgiveness. The Father gave just those three things to do and look at the huge promise He gave them. All he wanted was for them to humble themselves and realized they sinned, seek Him and repent and He would do all the restoring.
If we are to be truly sorry, we must also repent - humble ourselves and stop doing what we did. It is not enough to just feel bad about what we have done. We now have to feel bad enough to become humble and not want to do it again. If one has not made up their minds that they never want to sin against Yahweh again, they haven't repented. They just made an "empty apology". This is why many will continue to do the same sin over and over. They haven't come to true sorrow and repentance.
This is dangerous and it is playing with fire. For you can not come into the kingdom of Yah without repenting (turning away) from your sin(s). This repentance leads to restoration, healing, AND being able to be lead and filled with His Spirit that will lead and guide us into all truth. His Spirit is also charged with restraining us and making us aware of those things that anger Him. Through repentance, we literally start to have "the mind of Christ" because we have His Spirit.
The Apology...
So here we are - we have come to the apology. If we go back to the very beginning, to have a meaningful apology to anyone, we must:
First be lead by the Spirit to recognize that we have actually committed what God has declared a sin and have broken His law (different from "The Law") and therefore angered Him. To apologize and not know what you are apologizing for does no one any good.
Once we have recognized that we have angered Him, we go and find the "evil" we have done in His sight, and repent from it. Sometimes this "evil" is very apparent sometimes not so much. If it is evil that you have done to a person, seek that person out. If it is evil you have done in form of a deed, seek it out. If you are not sure, seek Him out so He can tell you.
Once we have found the evil we must repent. We must decide that we will no longer sin in that way. If you have done evil or sinned as God has said you sinned to a person, then it is necessary to make it right. Sometimes an apology is necessary, sometimes restoration of whatever you took/harmed/did is necessary. Seek the Father on how to make it right.
If these things aren't done, then your apology, or attempt to correct your wrong, is empty and meaningless.
If you have not sinned and done evil in the sight of Yah, then your apology is unwarranted and not necessary. Sure, it is a nice thing to do to make another feel better about themselves, but it is not necessary. Don't get caught up in the "apology game". If someone has some ill toward you and it is not justifiable, that is a problem that person really needs to take to Yah in prayer about. If that person doesn't know Him, it would be a good time to get to do so. It is not your place to validate someone's emotions. You will be another pawn in the game where the enemy gets people to put their hope and trust in man to make them validated rather than Yah.
I know this may not make sense to a non-believer. But for a believer, it should make perfect sense. For the non-believer, I will say this: Many times in our life, we have put too much hope, trust, and validation in a person only to be let down. Human's are not perfect and they fail. They abuse and misuse trust, because that is nature. But, there is One that is perfect and if we put our hope and trust in Him, He will never fail. That One is Yahshua, the Son of the perfect God, Yahweh. They can not lie, they can not deceive. They can not let us down. It is to them we owe all that we are, and it is them alone who can restore and validate us. Stop looking to man to make you feel better, and stop feeling like you have the power to make another "whole".
I hope my interpretation is clear.
Have a good one!
to put a stumbling block or impediment in the way, upon which another may trip and fall, metaph. to offend
to entice to sin
to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey
to cause to fall away
to be offended in one, i.e. to see in another what I disapprove of and what hinders me from acknowledging his authority
to cause one to judge unfavourably or unjustly of another
since one who stumbles or whose foot gets entangled feels annoyed
to cause one displeasure at a thing
to make indignant
to be displeased, indignant
As by definition, often times, one who comes to say the other has "offended" them, really aren't offended. It is more than likely their feelings and pride are hurt. One should notice, several of the instances of "offend" in the New Testament speaks of making one to stumble or fall away (from the faith), not to hurt someone's pride/feelings or to make them upset.
One more quick thing I'd like to point out. I'm sure many reading will say "well, what about Matthew 5:23-24?" The answer to that is, you must go deeper than what you are reading in your translation. In the King James bible, the translation says "and there rememberest that thy brother has ought against thee...", in the New Living Translation (which I linked to) it says "and suddenly remembers someone has something against you...". The NLT seems a little softer in its approach. The KJV's word and intention behind the word "ought" means a justifiable wrong doing.
Remember, at the time of Jesus speaking of this, they were still under the Law of Moses. There were over 600 some-odd laws that could be pointed to as an infraction against Yahweh and could be proven to be justifiable. They had to keep ALL of them. Most of them were things for which you could be taken to "court". This is why in the next few verses, Jesus warns them to quickly settle the matter so that you won't be taken to court. No one goes to court over hurt feelings or things that can't be proven "justifiable".
You also see the person was admonished to leave his "gift" there at the alter. This person was bringing a gift of sacrifice. His going to the person who had ought against him, a "justifiable wrong doing", was something that needed to be taken care of so that a sacrifice could be made. Again, this alluding to this situation having to do with the Law of Moses. And while this point that Christ made in His time is beyond valid, we also have to remember, as New Testament believers, we are no longer to be guided by the Law, but by the Spirit of God (for those who have been redeemed through the sacrifice of Christ). And while the two won't contradict each other, they both have their "place" in a believer's life. The example given by Christ is to show a believer the value of going to your brother seeking reconciliation of a "justifiable wrong doing". But, if we are to right a wrong, it is not so that we can hurry up so we can complete our sacrifice, it is because the Spirit has shown us it is the right thing to do because we have somehow sinned against the Father and need to be forgiven.
Ok, so, let's finish up Psalm 51:4. Last, the author says: "I have done what is evil in your sight". He has come to recognize that it doesn't matter what others think about what sin or offense is, it is what is evil in the sight of God. And because the ultimate goal is to please Him, that is what he is coming to Him about.
The beautiful thing about this passage is that he recognizes how his actions have angered the Father. When we recognize how much our sin angers the Father in heaven, we become sorrowful. We hurt. We are crushed. We are even angered at ourselves for doing what we did to the only One who can give us life and take it away in an instant. These emotions are what He wants from us as described further down in the passage:
16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering.17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.This directly corresponds with what Paul says:
2 Corinthians 7:10 (NLT)
10 For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
Godly sorrow is just that - it wakes us up to realize our sin and makes us crushed. Thereby making our repentance to the Father, real.
I had no intention on my point of "sorrow" to be so quick, but there is really nothing else to say. So, I think this is a great transition to talking about repentance. Let's explore that a little more and get a good working definition of "repentance".
I had no intention on my point of "sorrow" to be so quick, but there is really nothing else to say. So, I think this is a great transition to talking about repentance. Let's explore that a little more and get a good working definition of "repentance".
Repentance is the word metanoia. It means:
a change of mind, as it appears to one who repents, of a purpose he has formed or of something he has done
It is with Him that we want to make everything right which then causes us to have a "change of mind". But before we can even have a change of mind, we have to be humble enough to realize we must change. It is pride that keeps us from seeing the need to turn away from sin. Our pride will make us say that we are smarter than God and can get away with our sin. It is our humility that makes us say "God sees and knows everything - and He is everywhere."
Let's consider this verse:
2 Chronicles 7:14New Living Translation (NLT)
14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.
Notice, repentance brings healing and forgiveness. The Father gave just those three things to do and look at the huge promise He gave them. All he wanted was for them to humble themselves and realized they sinned, seek Him and repent and He would do all the restoring.
If we are to be truly sorry, we must also repent - humble ourselves and stop doing what we did. It is not enough to just feel bad about what we have done. We now have to feel bad enough to become humble and not want to do it again. If one has not made up their minds that they never want to sin against Yahweh again, they haven't repented. They just made an "empty apology". This is why many will continue to do the same sin over and over. They haven't come to true sorrow and repentance.
This is dangerous and it is playing with fire. For you can not come into the kingdom of Yah without repenting (turning away) from your sin(s). This repentance leads to restoration, healing, AND being able to be lead and filled with His Spirit that will lead and guide us into all truth. His Spirit is also charged with restraining us and making us aware of those things that anger Him. Through repentance, we literally start to have "the mind of Christ" because we have His Spirit.
The Apology...
So here we are - we have come to the apology. If we go back to the very beginning, to have a meaningful apology to anyone, we must:
First be lead by the Spirit to recognize that we have actually committed what God has declared a sin and have broken His law (different from "The Law") and therefore angered Him. To apologize and not know what you are apologizing for does no one any good.
Once we have recognized that we have angered Him, we go and find the "evil" we have done in His sight, and repent from it. Sometimes this "evil" is very apparent sometimes not so much. If it is evil that you have done to a person, seek that person out. If it is evil you have done in form of a deed, seek it out. If you are not sure, seek Him out so He can tell you.
Once we have found the evil we must repent. We must decide that we will no longer sin in that way. If you have done evil or sinned as God has said you sinned to a person, then it is necessary to make it right. Sometimes an apology is necessary, sometimes restoration of whatever you took/harmed/did is necessary. Seek the Father on how to make it right.
If these things aren't done, then your apology, or attempt to correct your wrong, is empty and meaningless.
If you have not sinned and done evil in the sight of Yah, then your apology is unwarranted and not necessary. Sure, it is a nice thing to do to make another feel better about themselves, but it is not necessary. Don't get caught up in the "apology game". If someone has some ill toward you and it is not justifiable, that is a problem that person really needs to take to Yah in prayer about. If that person doesn't know Him, it would be a good time to get to do so. It is not your place to validate someone's emotions. You will be another pawn in the game where the enemy gets people to put their hope and trust in man to make them validated rather than Yah.
I know this may not make sense to a non-believer. But for a believer, it should make perfect sense. For the non-believer, I will say this: Many times in our life, we have put too much hope, trust, and validation in a person only to be let down. Human's are not perfect and they fail. They abuse and misuse trust, because that is nature. But, there is One that is perfect and if we put our hope and trust in Him, He will never fail. That One is Yahshua, the Son of the perfect God, Yahweh. They can not lie, they can not deceive. They can not let us down. It is to them we owe all that we are, and it is them alone who can restore and validate us. Stop looking to man to make you feel better, and stop feeling like you have the power to make another "whole".
I hope my interpretation is clear.
Have a good one!
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