Marriage Phenomenon - Being "Berted"

There's a phenomenon happening in relationships that I don't think is being effectively talked about. Why? Because I don't think we have a proper term of diagnosis. Now, I am not a doctor, nor do I claim to be. However, I have given a name to this phenomenon so that we can effectively identify it and work through it together.

I've suffered from this phenomenon often in my marriage. Yes, imagine that - my marriage isn't perfect. It's true. Our marriage has been effected. The good thing is that we have recognized it and are attacking it head on.

What is it you ask? This phenomenon is a term I coined called "Being Berted". Oh this is real... and serious. It usually starts with the indifference of one spouse and the excitement of the other and then a major shift in thinking.

I'll give you an example that just happened. Many of you may remember, our beloved bigboy-dog "Jojo" passed away on Februrary 6th of this year. We all were emotionally heartbroken, but he lived a very long time - much longer than many boxers - he would have made 13 the following month. He was an integral part of our family, our lives revolved around him. Well, after he passed, I was adamant that I did NOT want another dog. I didn't want to go through the emotional trauma of losing another one - we had lost his adopted brother Rhoman years before and that tore my heart in two as well. Besides, as selfish as it sounded, there was freedom in knowing that we could stay out all day, travel, etc and not have to worry about rushing home to him to let him out, eat, or board him if we had to leave out of town. I was sad for losing him, but happy in our new found "freedom". We all were actually.

One day, my husband mentioned getting another dog. I dug my heels in and shook my head no. He has a friend that breeds a particular dog, and he showed me pics. And as cute as they were, I didn't want to show weakness and pleaded with my husband to NOT bring another dog in this house. He agreed.

Then, it happened. The switch. I started missing having a dog in the home. There were one too many unannounced "knocks" at the door, and I missed having the sound of a bellowing dog to let people know, this isn't the house to mess with. I missed the companionship of having a dog literally laying at my feet...heck, I even missed the stinky breath and farts. And I started day dreaming....looking at the yard where my Jojo used to lay in the sun (he loved to sunbathe) and thinking of puppies romping in that space. I started letting my guard down. I read up on the breed and fell in love. I resolved - ok, let's get a dog.

I go to my husband and say "hey, I agree...let's get a dog." And honestly, I was ready for not one dog, but TWO!! Imagine that! smh. But instead of being met with a sparkle-eyed grin, I was met with a distant "Nah".

WHAT?!! Yes, I had been Berted!

So, do you understand the phenomenon? Maybe you have experienced some yourself. Now, I don't know what the cure is...I just now know I have a name for the syndrome. If you experience this syndrome, you are not alone.

So, where did I get the name? See the video below....

Bert Being Berted...

What I've Learned Today: A Lesson In Mercy, A Daddy's Voice, Nothin Like Ya Girls

Today, my son got a lesson in mercy. He doesn't get into trouble often. When he does, it's usually a good meaningful fussing-out that will make him question why in the world he ever did what he did. But today, he broke some rules that I have time after time warned him about. Today, I couldn't overlook them. So, I called him downstairs and before I could even get a word out, he came to me tearfully confessing his faults. He knew exactly what he did wrong, and told me his process of thinking of why he did it. He looked at me ready to accept punishment for what he did wrong - no matter what it was. And before sentencing, looked at me and said "Mommy, thank you for loving me and disciplining me" *DAGGER in the heart why don'tcha boy?!*  I said "You're welcome" and gave him the choice to choose his punishment - both equally harsh, just one more swift than the other. Now, I'm standing there admiring this young boy for 1, being brave, 2, for acknowledging his transgression, and 3 being willing and ready to accept punishment. In that instant, I felt the Holy Spirit say "Mercy". OOOOOOO HOW I wanted to lay into this boy with all the power I had, but the Spirit saved his life by one little five letter word "Mercy".  It makes me think, is this how the Father is with His children who diligently seek after Him? His children who's only desire is to please Him and separate from this world? Soooo many times we have disappointed Him, so many times we deserved His harsh discipline, but instead He gives us mercy. Thank you for that lesson Father....

Proverbs 28:13 - People who conceal their sins will not prosper but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.

What I've learned today: A healthy parental relationship directly reflects the relationship of the Father Yahweh and His children.
Mercy will save your life.
If you want a good blog on Mercy, check here

My Daddy

This is my dad. I'm sure you could tell that just by lookin at us. I'm his twin, except I don't have a mustache and I look a lil washed out in this pic lol. I wish I could say that he was the first man I fell in love with. But, the truth is, he wasn't. We've had our ups and downs just like any family would. BUT, by the grace of God, we have forgiven, and moved on. And I am proud to say I have learned to love this man from the bottom of my toes. I had to privilege to stay with him a couple of weeks last month. I can honestly say, from my remembrance, that is the most time that I've spent with this man consecutively. And I learned so much about him. You know what's funny? We spent so much time together that now he's even calling me to see "Que Pasa?" No, he's not Hispanic. But it's his catch phrase. Before it seemed kinda hard to talk with him, but lately it hasn't been strange to spend an hour at a time just shootin the breeze with this guy. And I love it.

What I've learned today: Holding a grudge to the past gets you no where and nothing. Forgiveness blossoms into relationships that you wonder how you did without. Love you dad!!

My Girls

So, I have a group of women that I've grown very close to over the year and some change. We've laughed, cried, prayed, studied God's word, vacationed, and just been there for each other. It's a true godly friendship that I wish every woman could experience. Tonight, we just sat on the phone and chatted for about 2 hours straight. About life, love, God, and foolishness. I've belonged to a lot of "cliques" before. I've been involved in a lot of groups. Heck, I was in a sorority. But I don't think I have ever felt the level and deepness of comradery that I feel with these women. If you are a woman, and you say you "can't get along with other women." I challenge you to do one of two things: 1. Check yourself and see if you are the common denominator in failed relationships. or 2. Find some REAL godly women that know what it means to be a friend.

What I learned today: There is nothing like having women that you can count on spiritually, mentally, and physically. I love those women to heaven and back!!  Hey y'all!!!

GN!!