How To Be A GODLY Wife (Series): It Really Is The Inside That Counts - To A Godly Man

1 Peter 3:1-6
New Living Translation (NLT)

3 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 5 This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. 6 For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

Well, these verses are self-explanatory. I would really just like to leave it at this but, there’s some ‘splainin’ ta do Luuuucyyy (reference to I Love Lucy) as related to this day and time.

Let’s do a quick comparison of “then” and “now”. Today there is so much emphasis on LOOKING perfect. The pressure is really on for women. There is even more pressure on wives, from the perky girl next door to porn. How often do we hear of wives “letting themselves go” after marriage? Or men being turned on by other women while married, so the wife feels pressure to compete…and if she can’t, she often turns on herself in depression?

The world is so inverted! The word clearly tells us women to NOT be concerned with outward appearances – spending money we don’t have on clothes, hair, nails, jewelry that can cause more problems in the marriage because of the money spent – but to be more concerned with our heart conditions. The Lord desires for us to have a gentle and quiet spirit – He doesn’t care how we look. But we have let society turn our heads from the desire of the Lord and serve the lustful appetite of men and other women (let’s be real, we go out to get the “perfect” outfit to show off for other women more than we do to attract a suitable male and godly mate).

Here’s the truth of the matter. When we focus on our “outside” we will attract a mate that is concerned and focuses on our outside. But remember, that’s false advertising b/c eventually, that outside will fade – and so will his admiration if that’s how you “hooked” him. But if you have attracted your mate b/c of your gentle spirit, your wit, your compassion and love for all things righteous – that never fades and as long as you are following Christ, it will only get stronger, which will attract him all the more. Makes sense right?

And let’s quickly talk about being gentle for a moment. Let’s go a little bit further down. Verse seven says:

7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Other versions say:

7 In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an [c]intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively. (Amp)

Do you noticed that God call us the “weaker” of the two sexes? What has the world done?

• Girl Power
• Who Runs the World? GIRLS!
• You’re Gonna Hear Me Roar
• I Don’t Know, Ask Your Mom
• Women Pastors (ooops, that’s another discussion)
• The Feminist Movement




Inverted the word again hunh? We are called weaker because we ARE to have a gentle spirit. The Lord wanted us this way b/c you need a gentle spirit to be a nurturer – which is why WE are the ones who were charged with labor and children. You NEED a gentle spirit to counterbalance the male’s natural need to lead. Do you want to emasculate your husband and cause problems in your marriage? Then I suggest that you leave your gentle spirit behind and take over the male role. Believe the lies of those bullet points above and try and run your house. Be loud, abusive, inconsiderate, brash, and bring him shame in public. That’s a quick way to make things go sour. But crazy enough, it’s what the world tells us women that’s what it takes to be “strong”.

“But Deidra, I just don’t trust my husband-to-be to ‘handle business’ or make decisions”

This really should have been discussed in the “S word” blog, but it fits here too. If you don’t trust your husband-to-be to be a man, I will tell you this: I don’t care how much planning you have done, how many people are coming to the wedding, how much money you have spent, and how cute he and your dress are, STOP, right now, STOP. Don’t make the commitment until you are sure he will step up and allow you to be the gentle spirit that you need to be and you can allow him to be the husband that God has called him to be. It will save a lot of heart ache later.

Ladies, if you are already married – you should have been wiser in your selection of a mate. You chose to marry him and these traits didn’t just start. So, the only answer now is to turn directly to God and fast and pray. Ask God how to start righting this ship that will sink without correction. And be WILLING to do what He (God the Father in Heaven) says….yes, which may even be “be gentle when your attitude feels the need to be brash”.

 You know, black women for a long time – and even now – had a serious problem with black men dating outside “their race”. But do you know what I have found? Many of the women that these men choose, have

a gentle spirit. The man FEELS like a man in the relationship and not a boy with a momma telling him what to do. Instead of cutting eyes, smacking lips, rotating necks, and huffin and puffin under your breath, learning to be gentle in spirit and how to let a man lead is something that women of ALL ethnicities can learn. You want a man, act like a lady. And no, you don’t need to “think like a man” either. Y’all better stop listening to Steve Harvey who is on his second marriage! Simply turn to the scriptures and pray that God will change your heart so that you will understand what it means to be meek and gentle spirited woman. And before you start catching feelings, no, I am not bashing black women and putting others on a pedestal. I'm just pointing out deficiencies that I have noticed in my experience with women and their harsh attitudes.

Again, this is not a “be a doormat” post. I am NOT advocating that – and neither is the bible. In fact, it says further in verse seven that we are our husband’s equals when it comes to the grace of God, and the man/husband needs to understand that as well.

What this is a call for, is to get back to the women of old. Women who understood what it was to be a woman. It wasn't about the fancy expensive clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup and hair. It was about the attitude of a HELP meet, the attitude of a servant (not slave), and attitude of honoring their men and their roles of the relationship and an attitude of knowing how to “stay in your lane”. If we can do that, and if men learn their part from other wise and godly married men, we might just save marriages (and we won’t have to fight for a definition).

Let’s discuss!