How To Be A GODLY Wife (Series): The "M" Word...Grown Women Only

1 Corinthians 7:1-5
New Living Translation (NLT)
Instruction on Marriage
7 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations.[a] 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Disclaimer: IF YOU STRUGGLE WITH SEXUAL SIN, IF YOU ARE TRYING TO STAY CELIBATE AND SEX TALK AROUSES YOU PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS UNTIL YOU CAN PROPERLY, UNDER GOD, ENGAGE IN THIS ACTIVITY. 

Ok, so this post is specifically about masturbation. I said last post that this was an extremely hot button (no pun intended) in the Christian community. Before we get into it,  let’s look at some definitions first. These are taken from Strong’s Concordance and Dictionary. If it has an “H” in front of the number, it is a Hebrew word, and can be found in the Old Testament. If it has a “G” – it is Greek, and can be found in the New. We will look at the definition of "fornication" because it is mostly taught that masturbation is a form of fornication.

These are all the original words found in the bible for “Fornication”.
Strong's H2181 – Zana - to commit fornication, be a harlot, play the harlot
a) (Qal)
1) to be a harlot, act as a harlot, commit fornication
2) to commit adultery
3) to be a cult prostitute
4) to be unfaithful (to God) (fig.)
b) (Pual) to play the harlot
c) (Hiphil)
1) to cause to commit adultery
2) to force into prostitution
3) to commit fornication

Strong's H8457 – taznuwth - 1) fornication, harlotry
Strong's G4202 – porneia 1) illicit sexual intercourse
a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.
b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18
c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mk. 10:11,12
2) metaph. the worship of idols
a) of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols

Strong's G4203 – porneuō
1) to prostitute one's body to the lust of another
2) to give one's self to unlawful sexual intercourse
a) to commit fornication
3) metaph. to be given to idolatry, to worship idols
a) to permit one's self to be drawn away by another into idolatry

So, now we have to understand under which definition does masturbation fall? At BEST, I can say that it would fall under the definition of G4202 or G4203.2 – but this doesn't explain why  masturbation is considered a “sexual sin”. 

We can look at this “problem” in two ways – physically (what masturbation does to your mind and body physically and mentally) or we can look at it spiritually….let’s take a look at some verses, but first we must agree on this one biblical truth: satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy – not only the physical body (he knows that won’t last for long) but your eternal spirit – which is why he tries to keep as many people away from God as possible. Right? And we must agree that he is the enemy of God and God’s Spirit....if we can agree on that, then we can go further.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 New Living Translation (NLT)19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

This scripture is being spoken to believers at the time of the broken church of Corinth. I know that may not mean much to you, but it’s significant. The Church of Corinth sat in a hot bed of paganism where sexual immorality was as normal as eating chicken for Sunday dinner. Here, Paul is reminding us (you will need to read v.12-20 to get it all in context) that our bodies were bought for a ransom, they are not our own and belong to God because of Christ’s sacrifice. He would not have us to “defile” our bodies (remember this for later) because now that they belong to Him, the Holy Spirit dwells there.

Ok, let’s jump back for some thousands of years to the prophet Isaiah…..

Is 34:14 14 The wild beasts of the desert shall also meet with the wild beasts of the island, and the satyr shall cry to his fellow; the screech owl also shall rest there, and find for herself a place of rest.

There is an important word there “screech owl”. Let’s look at this a little deeper:
The definition for this is: Strong's H3917 – liyliyth - 1) "Lilith", name of a female goddess known as a night demon who haunts the desolate places of Edom

Lilith

Those who follow the false religion of Jewish Kaballah (not to be confused with the Jews of the bible) believed there is a spirit – Lilith who is very sexual in nature. Her goal? Defile men while they sleep. Many men (and women in fact) have encountered that spirit. I know of two personally. They don’t know each other, but have described the same scenario. You may have heard it as well. Sleeping when you are awakened by a pressure or choking sensation. You can’t move, scream or anything, and you see a demon of some sort sitting on your chest, often being very aggressive. Or sometimes having very illicit sexual dreams. This would be that demon. The doors that let her in are rebellion and sexual doors – the very things that God tells us to stay away from. You may have also heard of the term “succubus”. The male version, which is also very real, is incubus. You have heard of the Nephilim, as described in the book of Genesis 6:1-8 and Jude v6? These beings were created the same way that the incubus and succubus work today, except, there is no “real” procreation happening now. I know, it sounds crazy, but it happens. I would urge you to do more research on the subject. You can start with the link above and as always check against scripture.

Ok, so let’s bring it on in….it is of belief, because of what I have just shown, that masturbation is a sexual encounter with demonic influence. That through masturbation, a sexual act without a physical partner, you are actually being sexually stimulated through demonic activity.

THAT IS JUST ONE belief, and for some, it is very real….I will now give you MY belief….
We have already established that God wants our bodies not to be defiled right? (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Well, God also calls for us to have self-control:  

Galatians 5:22-24 New Living Translation (NLT)22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there.

God also tells us about our “imaginations” and thoughts right? 

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 King James Version (KJV)4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

Philippians 4:8 (KJV)Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

AND God also warns us about lust:

Matthew 5:28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. <--Here we see God’s commandment go from “thou shalt not commit adultery” to even THINKING about doing it is considered adultery. This verse (had Jesus been talking to women at the time) could have easily substituted man for woman.

Romans 1:24King James Version (KJV)24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves: <--remember the defiling (dishonor) we mentioned earlier?

*Also, look up: Romans 6:12 about lust.

Ok, so now we have established our thinking right? So, let’s ask ourselves, honestly….what is one thinking about when one masturbates? Are they noble thoughts? Are they lustful thoughts? If they are lustful, what are we doing to our bodies with the thought AND acting OUT that thought to get that gratification? What happens when that “feeling” to do it comes? Are you able to have the self-control that God speaks of or do we fulfill the desires of our flesh?

See, after taking this approach, we see the sin is not or “not just” about fornication. The sin is the abuse and defilement of the temple - God’s temple that He has set aside for His purpose, and allowing satan to influence your thoughts thereby influencing you to dishonor God with your body. This means that each time that you masturbate, you are gratifying yourself, but actually allowing satan to use you for an all out assault on the very God you say you love. 

And that's just the spiritual implications. Let's look at the physical. There are other implications of masturbation too…one to think about when one becomes a wife… The world has destroyed so many marriages because of this. So let’s talk about that for a minute.

We agree, that part of healthy marriage is healthy sexual activity with husband and wife. It is not a major part for marriage (for some it is, but for most it’s not – and that’s ok), but it is important none the less. As a wife, we learned yesterday that it is our job to both please and be pleased during our activity with our husband. Here is where masturbation can destroy this pleasure and connect with our husbands.

During masturbation, we get both mentally and physically used to how WE make OURSELVES feel. We get use to OUR rhythm, OUR pressure, OUR mental images/thoughts and connections. It becomes both a pattern as well as “necessity” in order for us to “enjoy” ourselves. This creates a barrier because now that our bodies are used to our own physical touch and mental image, nothing else really can "do it" like we can. So, when our husbands try to stimulate us, for some “it’s just not the same”.  We don’t reach maximum pleasure like we would with ourselves because our bodies are now trained to only reach it with how WE do it.

This in turn can cause major conflict in our marriage. Our husbands want to please us, and when they can’t one of two things begin to happen:

1. To help with their ego – we fake it. Leaving us unsatisfied and after a while becoming resentful. Therefore we repeat the masturbation cycle because we feel we can’t “get there” any other way.
2. He becomes resentful and feels rejected - as if he isn't enough to please you. He begins to doubt himself and leaves himself open emotionally for the next woman that makes him “feel manly”.

The sad thing is, the world has made it become “normal”…writing books even to children as young as six (starting that bondage early making it more entrenched and harder to break free from) telling them that it is ok to “explore” their bodies – even to the point of explaining how “some people do it”. We have “sex therapists” on TV explaining to women that you must learn how to please yourself first otherwise you won’t know what feels good.

Let’s look at that subtle lie. If you've never been touched, and you allow your husband to be the first to touch you – um, yes, his touch mixed with your love for him will obviously make you feel good. If it doesn't, he loves you enough to ask and hopefully you know how to communicate what you *think* you need. The whole point is to have fun exploring each other. But if you believe that lie, you have taken away the fun, the excitement, and are now a sergeant demanding him to do things “your way” because you have already explored that territory – where’s the fun for him?

So, all in all this whole masturbation thing is a doozy. Not only is it a sin against the body and God, but it is in the long run detrimental to the marriage bed.  If you are a non-married woman, and are actively engaged in this activity, I highly suggest that you seek the Lord to break free. Do it now so that you can enjoy your husband the way God intended – so that you can retrain your brain to love the touch of your husband, most importantly so that you can stop sinning against your body and God.

If you are a wife and find yourself in this behavior, I urge you to do the things above, but I also urge you to ask yourself WHY? Why are you doing this? Is it something that you aren't getting from your husband? What are your expectations? COMMUNICATE this wit him – and DON’T do it in the middle of your intimate time and DON’T do it when your husband is already stressed. Pray and use wisdom on when and how to bring up this delicate subject. Be honest and also use compassion for his feelings in all of this as well. You husband WANTS to please you – give him the chance to do so.

Ok, I think that’s it and more than enough for this subject ladies….what do you think?