New Living Translation (NLT)
Instruction on Marriage
7 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations.[a] 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Wow, what a title hunh? Can a woman be a whore (hoe/prostitute) within marriage? Most certainly so! How can that be? Well, let’s first look up the definition of “whore/hoe/prostitute” both in a secular dictionary and then in the bible….
Prostitute:
noun
a person, typically a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.
synonyms: call girl, whore;
verb
offer (someone, typically a woman) for sexual activity in exchange for payment.
I. Bible definition: Whore/Harlot to commit fornication, be a harlot, play the harlot
A. (Qal)
i. to be a harlot, act as a harlot, commit fornication
ii. to commit adultery
iii. to be a cult prostitute
iv. to be unfaithful (to God) (fig.)
B. (Pual) to play the harlot
C. (Hiphil)
. to cause to commit adultery
i. to force into prostitution
ii. to commit fornication
The main theme here is that this person that engages in this activity TRADES one love for another – sex for whether it be money, favors, etc. Sometimes, we as wives can fall into this category. How? Glad you asked.
One thing that a woman is good at is manipulation. We learn it early in life. We learn how to flirt, how to change behavior to get what we want, how to whine to get our way. Look at any young girl that knows how to manipulate their father – we call it “wrapping him around her finger” or “pulling his heart strings” – but it’s really manipulation. We learn the art of it and we learn it well. Then, when we discover our sexuality, that’s just more ammo for our arsenal. We learn manipulation and we perfect it so much so, that after a while, it becomes second nature and we don’t even realize that we’re batting our eyes to get out of that ticket.
Fast forward to marriage and sex. The word of God says:
4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Do you see that? Do NOT deprive each other unless you both agree for a LIMITED time so that you can devote yourself to prayer. Sometimes we give our husbands the cold shoulder – especially if we are angry. Because we have learned manipulation, we have also learned how to use our sex for a commodity or something we want, and not necessarily to show love and affection toward our husband. Sometimes we do have genuine reasons, but often times, it’s a manipulation tactic we use. Something didn’t get done around the house, and you’ve asked him several times? No sex. He told you “no” to something and it made you mad? No sex. Argument? Yep, no sex for you, buddy!
This behavior according to the word of God and laws of marriage is sin. And this sin can cause a serious rift in the marriage. Why? Because, “holding out” on your husband can cause the feelings of rejection for men, and will cause bitterness and unforgiveness in you. The enemy will use those feelings to “tempt you because of your lack of self-control”. That is a huge and full statement. Let’s break that down a bit.
When we decide to hold out, we enable the enemy to cause havoc in our marriage. We give him that open door, lay out the welcome mat. We give him permission to enter our marriages. The Lord told Cain way back in Genesis 4:5-7, that he must learn to control his emotions because if he didn’t, the enemy would be waiting for a chance to pounce him. The same applies here. Harboring bitterness, giving your husband the cold shoulder allows the enemy to come in with no invitation.
Temptation. Our minds wander – it has been reported that men often think about sex more than women, but that also means that yes, we too think about sex. Our thoughts often dictate our actions. Now, we know this scenario can go either way:
Thoughts + Hormones + Lack of attention from spouse + Attention of the cute person we see + Lack of self-control + Temptation = Disaster = Adultery = possibility of hell and divorce
WHOAH! Didn’t think it through that far did you? Well yes. The word declares that adulterers will be JUDGED and that is NOT a good thing (Hebrews 13:4 KJV). Let that sink in a bit…….
So now do you understand that loaded statement and the admonishment of not “holding out”? To do so can cause a chain reaction of events that you had no intention of ever getting into. It’s kind of like those Time Warner commercials:
When you refuse sex with your husband either of you find love somewhere else. When you find love somewhere else you commit adultery. When you commit adultery you are sentenced to hell. Don’t sentence yourselves to hell. Have sex with your husband.
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| Avoid This |
That made me chuckle a bit, but it’s true. We do more damage both to our marriages and soul when we choose to disobey the command given to us as wives in our marriage. Remember, the only time it is permissible to refuse sex is when you BOTH agree to it.
Now, what do you do to correct this? COMMUNICATE. Stop acting like a manipulative five year old and speak to your husband. You are his WIFE and not a whore, act like it. Has he done something to upset you/sinned against you? As his wife, first, check yourself, repent and apologize if need be, pray for wisdom and then TALK with him. Are you not feeling well? As his wife, talk with him. Are you worn out from trying to manage life and home without his help? As his wife, TALK with him. Find a solution together. And then, when all is said and done, come together as the Lord commands, nourish your marriage with love and touch through the gift of pleasure that only married men and women can enjoy.
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